Love me for what I am today, not what I was meant to be
Or then for who I will become, fall in love again with me.
Long term relationships go through a lot of ups and downs and the changing dynamics often leave one partner feeling lost. More often than not, it’s the woman who feels this way. Sometimes it’s about her physical appearance that changes, sometimes her self-worth, sometimes just the simple daily routine that sets the couple apart.
It’s important to understand that everything, everyone changes with time, it is unwise to hold on to what could have been and not focus on what can be. To keep things going, the onus lies on both to work to change, for the change. Stagnancy rarely helps in any field at all. Growth is ever-evolving, and while it may not be possible to keep up with a partner that speeding on that highway, try and hitch a ride with him/her. Or make sure you are there on the pit-stop, it helps.
A lot goes into a relationship, the investment of youth, time, dreams, energy and it feels totally unfair when you expect returns and get none. The balance keeps shifting and to expect perfect harmony on a daily basis is living in utopia. However, the simplest way to avoid the tug of war is ask yourself some simple questions..
1. Am I interesting enough for me?
2. Will I like to spend my time with me?
3. Have I got something to bring to the table?
4. Have I added to my life something more than what I was a year ago?
5. Am I open to change?
On the other hand, the person speeding ahead has to answer
1. Has my significant other contributed to who I am/what I am today?
2. Have I made the effort to hold her/his hand as I gathered speed? (helped her/him grow with me)
3. Have I genuinely shared my journey?
4. Reflecting on memories, are there significant ones that still matter to you?
5. Have I been a source of encouragement, education, guidance to help her/him change with me?
Work on those answers and hopefully you shall see the light and your relationship another day. It’s easy to let go/ leave behind a person for your own selfish pursuits, but it takes maturity, love and patience to help them grow with you. And then…it’s not difficult to fall in love with the same person again.