I am often asked, “What happened after MPK?” and my answer is MPK: “Maine Pyaar Kiya”. I was so much in love that ..that is all that mattered.
This may not hold true for many a career oriented women today as their priorities differ. The very prevalent feminist way of thinking says, “Would my man give up on his career for me? Why should I? Aren’t we equal to men?” and I simply question, “Why should we be? Aren’t we different?” Why should we spend our lives trying to compete with our spouses or partners? Why is it not acceptable to respect the individuality of every person? To be a woman in all her glory with the virtues of being a nurturer, caretaker, giver. To have compassion, kindness, intuition, being able to have empathy, to simply be able to multi-task. Why in the world would you want to deride the epitome of being a woman? You can do all this and more. I believed in that and so I did. You needn’t give up on your career but you shouldn’t undermine the time and effort required to help grow a fruitful relationship either.
But you gave up your career, I can hear you saying. Yes! I did because I also believed that there is a time for everything. When you get married and move into your husband’s home, you venture into a new territory and new place. What good is it if you don’t give yourself time to discover, understand and adapt even perhaps change to your liking. It’s like reaching an unknown destination, you need to have time to explore, patience to learn, and sometimes even have the courage to get lost. And I needed that. I got married into a world completely different from the life I had led. It wouldn’t have been possible for me to do any of the above if I hadn’t given myself that time.
In today’s changing scenario lots of couples try and get to know each other at a more advanced level before committing to marriage. Being in a relationship is different from living together as living together is from being married. Each comes with its pros and cons and its own set of value systems, expectations and responsibilities. The first is the honeymoon phase where each individual actually is putting his/her best foot forward most of the time, wanting to please the other in the relationship just seems norm of the day. After one graduates to the next level of living together or having spent a number of years being together, expectations arise. Being habitual also means many things are taken for granted not because of lack of empathy toward the other but because of the fact that you expect the other to understand. After all “its not the first time!!”. Right from what should be said to understanding silences, and what should be done to what should have been avoided. Difference of opinion creeps up. This phase is usually the dicey one, where both are faced with a choice whether to continue or break up. The woman usually wants to make it work, because of the investment of her emotions and time…in that order. And the man would want to make it work cause he wouldn’t want to have to start all over again, time being a priority. Nothing to get angry about but that’s how men are wired I guess. The effort to emotionally connect is always too long a process for them. For men it’s almost like, “I have finally managed to thread the needle and now you are saying it’s not worth a stich!” While women begin to weave their blanket of dreams, hope and future almost before they enter phase 2.
We women are the fabric that holds families together and I don’t see the reason for us to oppose that structure by equating ourselves with men where the balance of career and marriage is concerned . It’s essential that we understand what really makes us happy. It’s not the freedom, authority, money or power but the fact that these things make the fabric of relationships we weave a little bit more vibrant, more beautiful, more wearable. It is a balance we have to structure to be able to enjoy both the worlds. You needn’t forsake one for the other. But don’t ever give up on being a woman first. We don’t have to be equal because we are different, we are special.