It all started out with my movie, Maine Pyaar Kiya. The dialogue, “Dosti ka ek usul hota hein, no sorry, no thank you.” But people conveniently forgot the first line that specifies that it is a rule of friendship. This applies only when there is true friendship and words are not necessary to understand feelings.
People tend to forget that common courtesy expects a sorry and a thank you. People tend to take small gestures such as opening doors, picking up your bag or even stopping a lift to take in a passenger for granted. People don’t bother to say thank you. Then there are people who won’t apologize for brushing against you, making you late or forgetting to comply with a request merely feeling it doesn’t matter.
I have often wondered, why does common courtesy change in a friendship. With much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that it happens when you take the other for granted. In fact, too much for granted. Saying a sorry or a thank you is part of being polite and should never be dismissed. It is a show of gratitude, of understanding and acceptance that the other has made the effort for doing something for you. It serves one well in learning to be gracious. Whether it is your family or staff, to acknowledge their effort in making life easier for you, just gives them encouragement to go on.
Then why the ‘No sorry, No Thank you’ rule in friendship? Sometimes certain aspects of a relationship go beyond the regular give and take. It is a perspective that requires thought of the circumstances, the mind frame, the emotional quotient or sometimes even the regularity of the action. Sometimes, when gestures supersede the words, it wipes the need to put them in words. When the understanding is so deep that action mirrors the expectation.
A friendship that is thick, a couple that has been together for years, a mother-child relationship sometimes doesn’t need words to express a sense of thankfulness or remorse. It is often the behavior or a gesture or simple knowledge that resonates with, “I have your back!” that takes care of everything. It is only here that the Maine Pyar Kiya rule of friendship can apply, “No Sorry, No Thank you.”
However in these same relationships, if the bond is superfluous, even words will not carry weight. If psychoanalyzed sometimes it is the ego or the superiority complex of a person that demands the constant need of another to apologize or feel obliged for the simplest and littlest of things. The person in the hot seat may find himself/herself constantly saying sorry or thank you, simply to appease the other.
Thank you and Sorry, simple words that can have more meaning sometimes unsaid.